Day 34: Radio Silence

Lovely readers.

Apologies for the radio silence.

I know silence from me does not normally bode well and has often meant a tumble off the wagon BUT, I’m pleased to report, not this time.

This was my post a few days ago over in my One Year No Beer group the morning after a huge night.

Still AF and am loving life right now. Who woulda thunk it?

Much love,

J x

Long post alert:

Yesterday was day 28AF having slipped back into nightly wine following 103days AF last year. It was also my biggest test yet.

Yesterday around 50 of my closest family and friends from all over the UK descended on our little local to celebrate my 40th (2 weeks early) and wish me and the family farewell before we emigrate to 🇨🇭 in 2 weeks time).

We had bought in plenty of wine and Prosecco for everyone but also lots of Nosecco for me and the drivers/dry January folk and some bottles of AF red wine. I stashed a bottle of Nosecco and AF red away for me for the end of the evening when I knew a lot of sober folk would have gone and it would be mainly drinkers left.

My social anxiety was nowhere near as bad as expected. I did feel a bit of pressure making sure that I spent some time with everyone and no one was left alone BUT it was sooooo nice being able to think rationally, hear, understand and remember all the conversations and them not being drowned out by an inner monologue of “is there enough wine, I need more wine”

Closing time came round so fast the evening literally flew by! One of my best girls had flown down from Scotland and was desperate to continue the night as she hardly ever gets to go out these days so a hardcore group of about 8 of us decided to hit a local club.

I had been there before but I was always hammered by then and just looking for more booze.

It.

Was.

Bizarre.

I had always thought it was kind of dark and hazy in there. I now realise that although it was darkish, and there was an intermittent smoke machine, visibility was actually HD sharp when you’re sober! And what a sight. It was like watching a million bizarre mating rituals and territorial infighting. There was actually a proper fight too 😫

It was all manageable until people kept wanting me to dance and I REALLY didn’t want to. To be honest I was desperate to use Catherine Grey’s trapdoor technique but didn’t want to spark a mass panic when no one could find me….something I’ve done drunkenly on previous evenings as well as forcing people to stay and try locate my phone/coat/handbag which I would have lost by then.

Eventually I fessed up to my husband and he totally got it, we made our excuses and left them dancing. It was 2 am.

We got home but we were both on a huge adrenaline rush so not ready for sleep and stayed up chatting for an hour about the night.

He had been drinking but seemed way more together than he usually would have been at this stage. Turns out that until 10pm he had been drinking the Nosecco all night and only switched to real wine when it ran out. I had no idea!
BUT it turns out, that part of the night was his favourite bit! He really enjoyed being fully aware of all our guests, relaxed chatting to them, making sure everyone was ok and being able to remember it all at the end of the night! He even said he would have continued AF if it hadn’t run out. Amazing!

The biggest gains though are here this morning.

Not only am I waking up with zero anxiety I :
1: can remember everything
2: can look at Facebook without fear of evidence of me doing or saying something really stupid
3: instead of hiding away in shame am about to head out for a run and will finish at the hotel everyone is staying in this morning to meet them for coffee after their breakfast…instead of being too embarrassed to see them.

OYNB you did this and I thank you so much. Literally from the bottom of my heart 💖

I’m so grateful and never would have thought it was possible.